I have so much I want to say about Don Garland, but putting it into words will really require an emotional session, that I just haven't wanted to face. I guess you could say I am not quite ready for that, but I know I will be in the future. I haven't even really found the 'oomph' to sit and write 'sympathy' cards for Linda, Dawn & TJ. I'd say I am more ready to write those and perhaps that will give me the energy to write my blog about Don.
Anyway, what I thought I'd write about is the passing of the "Martha Torch". Anyone who knows my mom, knows what a Martha fan she is. And you can't help but be drawn into it. There are many of us that call each other Martha when we do something especially fantastic in the homemaking, entertaining realm of our lives. It is a loving term, but it is also a bit of a joke too. My mom can make fun of Martha with the best of them, but she has this element of seriousness, detail orientation, and perfection, (much like Martha), that really makes my mom more Martha than anyone.
For Don's funeral reception, my mom and I were asked to be in charge. And of course, we were honored to do so. I was able to get to Napa on the Wednesday prior to the funeral, which was on a Friday. Before that my mom and I had been planning via email and phone, so I was ready to get business taken care of. From Wednesday until Friday night, it was nonstop. I guess this is the point where I should I say that Adam decided to stay in Las Vegas with the children. R&R had both started school that week, each with terrific starts, Adam had taken off work, but was working from home too. It was a hard decision to make. No, it was a gut wrenching decision to make. Adam and I both loved Don and wanted to honor his life and memory, but had to make the heart wrenching decision that it was ultimately better for our kids to stay home. In retrospect, I still think it was the best decision. I was able to really concentrate on the Garlands and the day and just be there for any little or need. If my kids were there, I wouldn't have been as capable.
Okay, so back to Martha… pretty much Wednesday and Thursday were all about prepping for Friday. Not only were we in charge of the reception, we were also hosting the 'after party' at my mom's house. We thought it would be nice to host family and friends that lingered or were from out of town at my mom's house for late lunch/early dinner and just relax after an emotional morning. I won't go into all the little details that happen prepping for such an event, but it was clear that Martha is getting older and not so good with her details. (I won't go into the details besides age on why I think Martha is losing her memory!!) Anyway, it came down to Thursday night, Martha wanted a family meeting. Andy arrived from Portland and she wanted to go over the plan for the next day. I am rattling off details when she finally looked at me and said, "Aimee, you are in charge". Big Martha passed the torch and I TOOK it!
It is kind of a poignant moment for me. Some of you know my mom and how she LOVES to be in charge, so for her to say it really meant a lot to me. I also know it was probably a little hard for her to say it too. Of course, in true Aimee fashion, I took and ran with it. All those years of my mom bossing me around - payback! Just kidding. Hmm… maybe not….
I have to say that Don's funeral, reception and 'after party' all went as smoothly as any of those things can go. I really felt like I was anticipating needs, taking care of little details that came up, tying loose ends, and anything else that would help family and friends be able to grieve and be comfortable.
What I learned is that it is hard work being Big Martha. Not only is the task itself exhausting, but you have to put your emotions on hold so everyone else doesn't have to. My mom had talked about that: when you are in charge of events like that, you don't get to grieve, celebrate, whatever the occasion is. (Now we know the REAL reason why she put me in charge…) While I believed her, it didn't really hit me until I was on the plane flying home on Saturday, the day after. It just took everything I had not to lose it on the plane and on the shuttle back to my car. It was such a relief to get in my car and bawl.
Gosh, I have sat here for 5+ minutes trying to write something else and just can't….. got to get back on 'mom' time – Russ will be home soon, have HW, think about dinner, sigh.
I do really miss him.
No comments:
Post a Comment